Orthorexia nervorsa: an unhealthy obsession with eating healthy food.
I was a gluten-free vegan for two and a half years. My diet was my daily prison, and salads became the bane of my existence - I have actually, literally stared at a restaurant menu and wept. There were times that even the "safe" foods would set me off. It has now been just over five years since the initial shut-down, and about two years since a meal has ended with traumatic consequences, but I still feel a bit wary when I eat sometimes.
BUT - things are finally coming full-circle! I have two amazing vegans in my life, and every time we eat together, I think about going back. I don't even like meat or eggs all that much, and dairy is really easy to replace.... Salmon. That's probably the only thing I'd miss. But I'm ready, y'all. And you get to join me once again on that journey. And this time, it's not a prison. It is an adventure in wellness.
And by the way, flexitarian is totally a thing, but a thing that requires personal discipline to maintain. It's really easy to go from "a vegan that occasionally eats animal products" to "a carnivore who sometimes eats fruit." Do what is right for your body, I'm never gonna tell you to eat a certain way just because I do. And also, being a vegan with a social life and a busy schedule is not easy. Give yourself a break sometimes - and don't sweat it.
Consume food; don't let it consume you.